born from the heart.

November is a month that reminds me of how much I 
love, 
adore, 
cherish, 
admire, 
appreciate,
& look up to 
my family.

November is also national adoption month.

Let me tell you how these two things relate.

6 years ago I saw the first picture of a sweet little Guatemalan baby and heard my mom say "meet your cousin" for the first time.

2 years later I was meeting Melia Evelyn Jane Silvey for the first time in my entire life and falling in love. Hard.

Four years later and I am still just as infatuated as ever.

From the first time I laid eyes on her I had no doubt in my mind that she belonged with us. 

I believe with 100 percent certainty that she has our blood running through her veins. 

Call me crazy, but I believe it.

Melia is one of the biggest blessings in my life and I don't even remember life without her. Adoption completely changed our family--for the better--and allowed it to expand in a beautiful and perfect way.

"Pure and genuine religion 

in the sight 

of God the Father means 

caring for orphans 

and widows in their 

distress and refusing 

to let the world corrupt you."

James 1:27

Melia,

You are the best gift I have ever received. 

The greatest person I have ever met. 

The sweetest girl I have ever known. 

I thank God every day for the sunshine you have brought into our family and into my life. 

You are my little sidekick, 

my sister, 

my favorite cousin, 

and the love of my life. 

I adore everything you are and everything you are growing up to be.

You crack me up. 

You are the funniest little human I have ever been around. 

You are such a good shopping partner and your sass and spunk impress me. 

It is amazing how much you act like me. 

It reminds me that adoption is just a way for kids to be placed into the family they were meant to be in from the beginning.

You see, you were born in another country, but 

you were always ours.

From the moment God thought you into existence it was in His plan that you would be in our family. 

And that is such a 

phenomenal, 

sweet, 

beautiful gift. 

Thank you for letting us choose you and for filling your place so well.

You are the perfect fit.

All my heart,

Your big cousin.

no control.

Tomorrow marks the last day of classes before Thanksgiving break and the start of a much needed, overdue 9 days off of school. 

As November has gone on I have been reminded of the beautiful friendships I have made over these past three months.

Let me take you on a little walk down memory lane.

August 15th 2013: The Night the Floodgates Burst Open

          This was the day that my entire summer had been leading                            
          up to. The day I kissed reality goodbye, and in return,    
          reality reared back and kicked me in the face...hard. 
   
    This was the day that I ate the worst lunch of my life. 
    
    Sitting in a dingy Mexican restaurant, pushing my rice around
    my plate, trying with all of my might to look anywhere other
    than in the faces of my family. I knew that that meal was the 
    only thing separating my comfortable, sweet, consistent life
    from my completely new, scary, unknown future.
    As we finished the meal, walked out the restaurant door, and  
    loaded into the van, my entire 18.95 years of life flashed  
    before my eyes. 
    
    I saw myself in elementary school, oblivious to how quick      
    time was passing. I saw myself in middle school, unaware of   
    how much I would miss those years. I saw myself in high     
    school, wishing away time and yearning for the day I got to  
    say "PEACE" to my final days as a "regular student". 
    
    I saw myself slowly losing control of the life I had felt
    so in control of. I saw that my hands had no control over the
    reins that guided my life. I saw that time slips through my
    fingers as smooth as sand.
   
    Up until this point, I had held myself together. But as we 
    rounded the corner and pulled into the parking lot of my new
    "home" tears began to overflow my eyes and my chest began
    to cave in. 
    I yearned to be back in elementary school, 
    I craved the days of my middle school years,
    I BEGGED God to let me return to high school. 
    And still, the car moved on and my new reality rolled out its  
    red carpet.
    As the car came to a stop and the (DREADFUL, HORRIBLE,   
    PAINFUL) goodbyes began,
          I felt the floor fall out from beneath me. 
    I saw my life dissolve in front of my eyes. 
    
    I was helpless.
    
    This is a day that is STILL painful for me to remember. I sit
    here BAWLING as I type this. The pain of saying goodbye to 
    the people you hold dearest and the sting of watching them 
    drive off without you is the most painful thing I have ever
    experienced.
    
I posted about the night of August 15th here:
How Sweet The Father's Love For Us

And yes, this account is completely true...but it is missing a few details of the hell I was living in that night.

1: I had composed myself and was unloading some of my belongings when I came across a letter my mom had slipped into some of my clothes. Let me put it this way...I STILL can't read that letter without melting onto the floor and longing to be near her. Twas painful to read, my friends.

2: I have absolutely NO CLUE how I did not scare the crud out of my roommate and why she did not immediately request a change in roommates. I just have to say, the shower is not the place to be when someone is sad...it is too easy to cry there. So I took advantage of a private place to pour my sadness out in and believed whole-heartedly that I would be able to pull myself together by the time my shower was over. Boy was I WRONG. If anything, I worked myself up to the biggest meltdown SBU has ever seen. I sat on my loft completely helpless, WEEPING, while Abbi was sitting on her side of the room looking like she has absolutely zero clue what to do (HOW WOULD SHE?!). At some point, she offered up her help and comfort and I think I was too far gone at that point to come back. Sorry Abs.

3: I called my parents the next morning DEMANDING that they jump in the car and come to get me. I sat on the phone with a continuous stream of tears running down my face as I listened to my heartbroken parents (who were melting down too, I can promise you that much)assure me that I was meant to be at SBU and tell me that no, they would not be coming to get me. Probably the 
toughest phone conversation any of us have ever been apart of.

Now.

Present day.

I AM BLESSED. I have been through the desert, and the Lord has been faithful. These past three months of new reality hold some of the worst and best days of my life. 

I have seen Christ in a new light.
I have learned how to trust Him in a new way.
I have learned how to hold on to Him tighter.
I have learned how to lean on Him and no one else.
I have learned how great and massive His love is for me.
I have learned how beautiful He is...even in the worst of times.
And lemme tell you...HE IS BEAUTIFUL.

All through high school I struggled with loneliness. I felt like nobody wanted me. I spent many nights alone or cuddled up in my living room watching Dateline with my parents. These were nights that I begged God to give me someone...ANYONE. I desired to have reliable, Jesus-loving, solid friends. I wanted to be a part.

But, as always, it was always His plans, not mine.
Because, you see, I have no control.
Praise Him for that.
My control would have gotten me absolutely nowhere.

And how sweet that is.
And how thankful I am.


No, I was not always hanging out with friends during my teenage years. I wasn't at parties or running around with huge groups of people.

But I was growing.

I was growing in my independence.
    I learned what it means to be alright with being alone.
I was growing in patience.
    I learned what it means to wait on the Lord.
I was growing in my family.
    I learned that they will always be here to support me.

This all leads me to the land of milk and honey that the Lord was directing me towards.

I HAVE FRIENDS...

Not "friends"...

FRIENDS.

These people know me.
             love me.
             pray for me.
             pray with me.
             laugh with me.
             laugh at me laughing.
             accept me.

And I am thankful for them.

These friends are the people I was so desperate for for so many years. They were exactly who I asked God for. And, it may have taken some time, but He heard me. And He gave me the desires of my heart. It took me falling on my face multiple times and being re-reminded that He has full control, but my desires lined up with His and He blessed me. BIG TIME.

Let me introduce you to my friends:

These are the girls who have given me a look into what having sisters must be like. Amy, Nicole, Kelsey, and Megan.

They crack me up, weird me out, and make me feel loved pretty much daily. I raid their closets (thanks Ames), ask them for advice, and vent to them about the things that drive me nuts.

And I LOVE them.

These are the people I spend nearly all of my time with.

These are just a few of the friends that I spend all of my greatest moments with. These pictures are from a little thing we do every Friday called "Foxy Friday" and it is just one of the billions of reasons that I love our group so much. These people have become my 2nd family. I laugh with them, share my heart with them, fight with them, make fun of them, let them make fun of me, act ridiculous with them, and have the greatest times with them. They are real with me and tell it like it is. They call me out in love when I need it and are there for me always. They are beautiful, Jesus-loving, fantastic people and I thank Christ daily for their influence on my life.

This is my roommate.

Abigail "Abniss" Porter

This girl has been such a blast to live with. We are absolutely ridiculous together and have spent many nights laughing together for reasons that we can't even remember. We are SO different in many ways, but we are just enough alike that it works beautifully. I am so blessed by her and by her friendship and roommate-ship.

There are many other people that I could list to show God's blessing on my life, but I think this blog is long enough!

So here is a quick list:

My RA Morgan who deals with my craziness and booming personality in a wonderful way.

The girls (Lauren, Tiara, and Morgan) who helped me enter into this transition at the beginning of the semester and made me feel less alone.

Maddy, who is from Blue Springs and has been a comfort for me to have down here.

Huffman who proved to me that football players can have good personalities too.

Brody Hughes. The guy who has helped me grow in many ways and holds me accountable. I am beyond grateful for him. 

Kayla Bobeen who has the sweetest heart and most lovely personality.

Beka Todd. The girl who I just recently met, but love already from the bottom of my heart. I cannot wait to continue to get to know her.

God has, once again, showed me that HE knows best and HIS timing is 9073896487439508 percent greater than mine. 

He has shown me that I have no control.

And I am so thankful. 

             

    

let me tell you about my dad.

My dad is quite the man.

This is something I forget to remember so often, but it is also something that I rediscover so often throughout each week.

Let me tell you about my dad.

My father is Dan Roye. Son of a pastor, grown up to be a pastor. 

1.He loves his family. 

He is an amazing son to an amazing woman and they have one of the     most beautiful mother-son relationships I have ever seen. The love that he has for my grandmother is precious. They pray for each other, walk with each other through trials and tribulations, encourage each other, and just plain show their love for each other. 

He is a loving father and husband. He adds flair to our family that only he could bring. He prays for his children daily and lifts his wife up in prayer just as often. He has raised his family to love Christ without limitation or boundary. He taught me what true worship and adoration for the Lord looks like. It is from him that my obsession with music was born and I will be forever grateful for that.

  He loves Koda. If you don't know who Koda is, here is a picture     are a few pictures (don't make me limit the number):

Koda is probably my dad's biggest pride and joy. His obsession with him may be slightly unhealthy, but it is okay because Koda brings him so much joy and happiness.

2.He loves the church

Time and again I have seen my dad give up his own time in order to meet the needs of the church. He is so passionate about the work that God has provided him with and his passion shows through in his sermons and weekly preparations.

That man is dedicated. He is dedicated to serving God's people. He is dedicated to lifting up church members in prayer. He is dedicated to helping where there is a need. He is dedicated to being where he is needed. 

And that is beautiful.

3. He loves people

Let me tell you, that man LOVES people. It doesn't matter if you have known him for 40 years or if you just met him, he  loves you. He will reach out to any stranger and strike up a conversation with any person he comes in contact with. Heck, he befriended a grocery store clerk at Price Chopper and was able to use that as a ministry opportunity.

I used to be so embarrassed by his outgoing personality when it came to him starting conversation with random strangers, but as I have grown up I see how beautiful it is. Who knows what kind of impact those conversations had on the people he reached out to. Who knows how much those people needed someone to say hey or strike up conversation with them in that moment. 

I see it as a gift now. A gift of being Christ to people and showing His love to everyone he comes in contact with.

4.My dad is strong.

That man has gone through so much in his ministry and I have seen him be faithful in situations that I don't think I could have ever been faithful in. I  have seen him trust God in the darkest moments. I have seen him persevere through situations that I don't know how he had the strength to get through.

And it is all because of his faith and love and trust in GOD.

None of it was done through his own strength, but through the strength of Christ. He had to trust that God knew what He was doing and even through the most painful of times, he has to surrender to the plans and will of God.

And he did.

I love my dad so much. 

He is someone that I look up to. 

His trust in God and faith in His plan is lovely. 

It is because of the way that he leads our family and because of the example he has been in his own faith that I see how I want to lead my family and how I want to live out my own faith. 

It is because of his example that I absolutely LOVE the church. Even through all the crud that goes on in churches, I love the church and I think the body of Christ is beautiful. 

I am thankful that he has been a fearless leader and a beautiful example to me and my family.

I love you dad. 

If you have any interest in checking out our church here's a link:

Living Stones Community Church

be anxious in nothing.

College should come with a warning label...
                    a big, fat yellow caution sticker that reads:
   
    "This first semester of your Freshman year may wear you down,     
     beat you up, crush all of your dreams, spit in your face,
     make you feel like an idiot, while also making you feel 
     invincible and on top of the world."

That one warning would have prepared me a lot more for the roller coaster I have been strapped to since August 16th. 

Don't hear what I'm not saying...I absolutely adore college. My friends are wonderful, my dorm room feels more like home, and I have made some beautiful memories.

It is just that, looking back, I don't see how high school helped prepare me in any way for college. 

Not. one. single. way.

I wasn't much of a studier in high school. Not because I was a horrible student, but because I never had the need to study. It was a huge blessing in high school, but has proven itself to be a ginormous curse in college. Because I never needed to study in high school, I never truly learned how to study, nor do I have any motivation to do so. 

My version of studying is this:
Open notes.
Get on Facebook.
Glance through notes once.
Check Twitter.
Close notes.
Get on Pinterest for two hours.

Sounds like a solid way to make an A...am I right?!

NO.

It is because of those sad study habits that I am making the choice to cut myself out of social media for the week.
Less Facebook.
No Twitter.
No Instagram.
LESS Pinterest.(Come on, I need SOME form of escape)

On top of not preparing me to study in college, high school didn't prepare me for all of the freedom that college gives me.

Okay, so maybe this also has to do with the household that I grew up in. A household that I am completely grateful for.

Growing up I had a strict bedtime until I was probably in my Junior year of high school. 
My parents knew where I was at all times. 
I had a job that took up many of my evenings. 
And I hardly hung out with people because, 
to be honest, 
I preferred to be alone reading in Starbucks.

All of these things are things that I am totally 100% okay with. There were RULES in my house and they were rules that set me up for success.

Sadly, these rules do not apply in college.

I am 2.5 hours away from my family.
I have a curfew of 12 during the week and 2 on the weekends...
but this ends at the end of this semester.
This curfew does not constitute when I go to bed.
Therefore, sleep comes many hours after curfew check-in.
I do not have a job.
Trust me, I am thankful I do not have the added stress...
BUT I do miss the discipline it added to my life.
There is no Starbucks to escape to.
Although, there is a precious coffee shop just down the road.
Yet, because of the lack of job there is a lack in money for coffee. 
It's a sad life.

NO it's not a sad life...it is just a huge adjustment.

I am adjusting to this new freedom. 
I am adjusting to trying to manage my time.
I am adjusting to learning how to "study".
I am adjusting to the classes that make me want to kick a llama.
I am adjusting to living around people 24/7.
I am adjusting to being away from home.
I am adjusting to finding a balance.

These past two weeks have been the complete opposite of balanced.

I have been dealing with anxiety for a straight 14 days.

I am talking full-fledged anxiety that radiates through my body and has caused my left eyelid to twitch non-stop for the past 48 hours.

It is not fun, my friends.

Even still, it is something I am learning how to handle.

I am cutting out the things in my life that bring added anxiety. 
                                              (i.e. social media)
I am giving myself more time to read books like I used to.
                   (I've gone through 1.5 books in the past week)
I am limiting my time spent with friends when I have homework.
                             (This has probably been the hardest)
I am learning what STUDYING is and the best way for me to do it.
                                                            (HA)
I am adjusting...
Still...
Almost three months later...

And that's okay.

So here is what I have left to say...

Dear high school students,

You may think that you are being well-prepared for college.
You aren't.
Your teachers will tell you you are, but you aren't.
You may think that your "college level classes" are exactly like the real deal.
They aren't.
Not even close.
You may think that once you get out of high school you will be able to soar like an eagle on your own.
You probably won't.
You will need help...and support...and guidance.
And that is totally okay.

So high school student...
Enjoy your time in high school.
Take advantage of all that being in high school brings.
It doesn't last long.
And it is a hard slap of reality when you get out.

Sincerely,
Figuring It All Out

         "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about  everything.Tell God what you need, and 

thank Him for all He has done. Then you will 

experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything 

we can understand. His peace will 

guard your hearts and minds as you 

live in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6&7

You may or may not know the story behind this song.

If you do, then you know that it ended up being a fake story.

Regardless of that fact, it is powerful.

The words are words of might and power.

Simply listen to the words and the truth and beauty they contain.

He holds my every moment.

He calms my raging sea.

He walks with me through fire.

I trust in Him.

He is my Healer.

He is all I need.

He is my portion.

He is more than enough.