less of me.

life isn't about me.
it's not for my glory.
it's not run on my schedule.

it just simply isn't.

life is about Christ.
it's about the Kingdom.
it's about building up the body.

it's for His glory.
it's about giving Him credit.
it's about bringing Him praise.

it's on His schedule.
it's in His time frame.
it's based on His plan.

as a college student it is hard for me to keep those things in mind.
it's hard to remember that this life is not my own.

college kids are selfish.
there it is.

we see life--for the first time--as our own.
we are on our own schedules.
we make our own rules.
we decide everything for ourselves.

it's a very "me focused" lifestyle.

i have found myself, when faced with a decision, focusing on the choice that best suits me.
i have found myself, when asked to hang out, focusing on if that's really how i want to spend my free time.
i have found myself, on quite a frequent basis, asking questions that include the words "me" "myself" and "i"

i first noticed this when i came back from school last summer after my first year on my own as a college student.
i had developed quite a self-focused attitude.

this semester i tried to suppress and change it.

i made some progress...
but i don't think i truly grasped why i was being called to a life of more.
i didn't understand why it was so important for me to consider others as more important than i.

but i have learned some things over the past couple months.

have you ever stopped to realize

what could someone else be going through
what could someone else be struggling with
what could someone else be searching for

that you could help them through?

i am not my own.
i make mistakes.
i have struggles.
i experience pain.

all of these things occur because i truly believe that our own mistakes/struggles/pain can be used as a way to connect to other people.
they bring us to a level that we may not have been able to reach before.
they allow us to open up in new ways.

so when we become so internally focused, we lose sight of the external issues that we are being called to act on.

i am living in the four years that i can live the most selfishly.

...or so i've been told.

maybe it's that i am living in the four years that i could have the greatest impact?
maybe it's that i am living in the four years that i could make the biggest difference?

you never know what Christ is calling you to.
you never know how He is going to use you in the lives of others.
heck, you never know how He is going to use others in your life.

but sometimes it takes a giant step away from looking solely on yourself to see the work that needs to be done around you...
to see the lives that need His touch the most...
to see the purpose for your call on earth.

as i gear up to head out and start semester two tomorrow
i am going in with the mindset of

less of me. more of Him.

i am striving to make my life more focused on how i can help those around me instead of constantly seeing how every and anything is going to benefit me.

here's to semester two.
here's to you.

arising from complacency.

life is full of surprises.

that's probably the biggest thing 2014 taught me.

it's so easy to become comfortable.
to go along with the flow of how we think life should go.

we become content in our stillness.
neither moving forward towards something
nor backwards away from something.

we stand there.

content in our misery.
content in our sin.
content in our sadness.
           our anger.
           our bitterness.

why?

because we forget what it actually means to be content.

we have traded in contentment for complacency.

we have lost sight that we are to be content where He has us.

we are to be content in where He leads us.
             content in where He places us.
             content in where He calls us.

don't hear what i'm not saying.

we are supposed to accept the challenges we face and the things we battle.

but we are to do this with the understanding that we will overcome these hurdles.

and to overcome, we must move.
and to move, we must not find contentment in lesser things.
and to not find contentment in lesser things, we must look to Him.

it's a cycle.

it's a cycle i found myself struggling to jump into this year.

instead, i sat.

i walked into my misery.
i grabbed a seat.
i stubbornly stayed there.

it took quite a while to get up from that chair.
it took even longer to fold up the chair and move.

i am a stubborn woman.
ask my mom.
oh man, ask my mom.

God is in the process of breaking me of this stubbornness.
it's not an easy task.
and it's painful.

but He wants what's best for me.

that's something else i've learned.
He loves me.

like He really really LOVES me.
i've known about God for 20 years.
i've been saved for 13 years.
i've lived only for Him for 4 years.

but it has only been in the past 4 months that i have started to truly understand
fully grasp
and
actually realize

He loves me.

i've been falling deeper in love with Jesus.
do you know how great He is?
do you know that He speaks to God on our behalf?
do you know that He understands all that you endure?

do you really really know?

because i thought i knew.

but this semester i really knew.

those surprises?
they're being used to piece together my story.
they're being used to break apart my selfish heart.
they're being used to shape me for the Kingdom.

so i am thankful.

when things fall apart.
there's a purpose.

when things explode.
there's a purpose.

when things come out of nowhere.
there's a purpose.

there's His purpose.

so let us not be content in the aftermath of those happenings.
let us push on and discover what God has hiding in the debris.
let us diligently work to get out of the mess.
let us run into His arms and seek Him out.

that's what He is calling us to.
not contentment in the low places.
but a boost towards something so much better.