it seems as though the events within the last 12 months are hindering the words from flowing easily and from flowing well.
so here i am instead.
writing a typical
"NEW YEAR NEW ME"
blog post.
holla at ya homeboy.
2015.
where do i even start?
ok ok.
you know when you get to a restaurant and first impression you're like
"oh man this is going to be good.
oh hey our waitress is nice
oh hey the lighting is perfect.
oh hey this appetizer is divine."
and then the main course comes and its as if it was delivered from mcdonalds in the 60s.
you know?
that's how i feel about 2015.
it started off so perfect and it plummeted quite quickly.
this was a hard thing for me to process.
who am i kidding?
this is still a hard thing for me to process.
it's the 23rd of january and i have been attempting to add to this thought process since the first day of january.
so here's what i've got.
life is hard.
the end.
just kidding, just kidding.
life is hard.
and there are lessons that you are taught and you figure them out the first time and you rock them and life evens out again.
and then there are lessons that you get to relearn time and time and time and time again because you are a stubborn little girl who needs to learn when it's time to surrender and when it's time to lean in to the people who care the most for you and flee from the people who don't.
not that i would know...
hi my name is easton roye and i am extremely good at running away from the people and things i need the most in my life.
ever since i was a kid, i have been more prone to try to figure out things on my own rather than listen to the advice that came from the older, wiser people guiding me.
sadly that has transferred on into my adult years and my stubbornness reared its ugly head first semester of my third year of college.
this led to one the most difficult and painful semesters of my life ever.
so how do i plan to change in order to make second semester easy?
what's the "new me" in this new year?
surrender.
i'm holding up my white flag.
i'm getting over myself.
i'm plugging in to positivity.
i'm drawing nearer to the Lord.
i'm finding goodness in all things.
i'm learning how to forgive.
i'm aiming to be happy.
this is not some easy task that i have set out to accomplish.
this is a complete attitude change that goes against the natural heart of man--or at least the natural heart of easton roye.
but here's the deal.
i can't do fall semester of 2015 over again.
this is a new day.
and this is a new semester.
and God is trying to use me.
and God is trying to shape me.
and God is trying to direct me.
and i am now handing it all over.
teach me to do Your will,
for You are my God.
let Your good Spirit lead me
on ground level.
i refuse to be unhappy because i choose to sit and wallow in my unhappiness.
i refuse to be angry because i choose to not address those that i have unresolved conflict with.
i refuse to be sad because i dwell on the things in life that have not gone the way i think they should.
because here's the deal.
i am protected from things and trials that i cannot see.
i do not, in fact, know everything
nor do i have everything figured out.
and choosing to sit in circumstances that i either refuse to address or cannot change does not change those circumstances.
and so i will submit to the Lord and i will submit to His word.
and i will delight in the Lord and i will delight in His word.
i delight to do Your will, o my God.
Your law is within my heart.
i will choose obedience.
i will choose patience.
i will choose surrender.
i will delight.
i will rest.
i will listen.
i got to live out a semester on my own.
i am fine not ever doing that again.
i can do nothing on my own.
as i hear, i judge,
and my judgment is just,
because i seek not my own will,
but the will of Him...
so, 2015.
i do not hate you.
i love parts of you.
but you caused me a lot of pain.
you caused me a lot of problems.
and because of that.
i won't miss you.
