be anxious in nothing.

College should come with a warning label...
                    a big, fat yellow caution sticker that reads:
   
    "This first semester of your Freshman year may wear you down,     
     beat you up, crush all of your dreams, spit in your face,
     make you feel like an idiot, while also making you feel 
     invincible and on top of the world."

That one warning would have prepared me a lot more for the roller coaster I have been strapped to since August 16th. 

Don't hear what I'm not saying...I absolutely adore college. My friends are wonderful, my dorm room feels more like home, and I have made some beautiful memories.

It is just that, looking back, I don't see how high school helped prepare me in any way for college. 

Not. one. single. way.

I wasn't much of a studier in high school. Not because I was a horrible student, but because I never had the need to study. It was a huge blessing in high school, but has proven itself to be a ginormous curse in college. Because I never needed to study in high school, I never truly learned how to study, nor do I have any motivation to do so. 

My version of studying is this:
Open notes.
Get on Facebook.
Glance through notes once.
Check Twitter.
Close notes.
Get on Pinterest for two hours.

Sounds like a solid way to make an A...am I right?!

NO.

It is because of those sad study habits that I am making the choice to cut myself out of social media for the week.
Less Facebook.
No Twitter.
No Instagram.
LESS Pinterest.(Come on, I need SOME form of escape)

On top of not preparing me to study in college, high school didn't prepare me for all of the freedom that college gives me.

Okay, so maybe this also has to do with the household that I grew up in. A household that I am completely grateful for.

Growing up I had a strict bedtime until I was probably in my Junior year of high school. 
My parents knew where I was at all times. 
I had a job that took up many of my evenings. 
And I hardly hung out with people because, 
to be honest, 
I preferred to be alone reading in Starbucks.

All of these things are things that I am totally 100% okay with. There were RULES in my house and they were rules that set me up for success.

Sadly, these rules do not apply in college.

I am 2.5 hours away from my family.
I have a curfew of 12 during the week and 2 on the weekends...
but this ends at the end of this semester.
This curfew does not constitute when I go to bed.
Therefore, sleep comes many hours after curfew check-in.
I do not have a job.
Trust me, I am thankful I do not have the added stress...
BUT I do miss the discipline it added to my life.
There is no Starbucks to escape to.
Although, there is a precious coffee shop just down the road.
Yet, because of the lack of job there is a lack in money for coffee. 
It's a sad life.

NO it's not a sad life...it is just a huge adjustment.

I am adjusting to this new freedom. 
I am adjusting to trying to manage my time.
I am adjusting to learning how to "study".
I am adjusting to the classes that make me want to kick a llama.
I am adjusting to living around people 24/7.
I am adjusting to being away from home.
I am adjusting to finding a balance.

These past two weeks have been the complete opposite of balanced.

I have been dealing with anxiety for a straight 14 days.

I am talking full-fledged anxiety that radiates through my body and has caused my left eyelid to twitch non-stop for the past 48 hours.

It is not fun, my friends.

Even still, it is something I am learning how to handle.

I am cutting out the things in my life that bring added anxiety. 
                                              (i.e. social media)
I am giving myself more time to read books like I used to.
                   (I've gone through 1.5 books in the past week)
I am limiting my time spent with friends when I have homework.
                             (This has probably been the hardest)
I am learning what STUDYING is and the best way for me to do it.
                                                            (HA)
I am adjusting...
Still...
Almost three months later...

And that's okay.

So here is what I have left to say...

Dear high school students,

You may think that you are being well-prepared for college.
You aren't.
Your teachers will tell you you are, but you aren't.
You may think that your "college level classes" are exactly like the real deal.
They aren't.
Not even close.
You may think that once you get out of high school you will be able to soar like an eagle on your own.
You probably won't.
You will need help...and support...and guidance.
And that is totally okay.

So high school student...
Enjoy your time in high school.
Take advantage of all that being in high school brings.
It doesn't last long.
And it is a hard slap of reality when you get out.

Sincerely,
Figuring It All Out

         "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about  everything.Tell God what you need, and 

thank Him for all He has done. Then you will 

experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything 

we can understand. His peace will 

guard your hearts and minds as you 

live in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6&7

You may or may not know the story behind this song.

If you do, then you know that it ended up being a fake story.

Regardless of that fact, it is powerful.

The words are words of might and power.

Simply listen to the words and the truth and beauty they contain.

He holds my every moment.

He calms my raging sea.

He walks with me through fire.

I trust in Him.

He is my Healer.

He is all I need.

He is my portion.

He is more than enough.