cultivate kindness.

the way you treat people matters.

i know i know.
revolutionary.

but for some reason
(some odd odd reason)
it seems that this is a concept that so many people just simply cannot grasp.

did you know
that you cannot look at a person
and automatically know
"this person is struggling with depression"
"this person's mother is battling cancer"
"this person just got fired from his job"

because of our inability to look at someone and receive a full list of things he or she may be battling or struggling with, it is so greatly important to be aware of the way you treat absolutely everyone.

just because someone looks okay

does 
not
ever
actually
mean 
they
are
okay.


i have found very often that it seems as though my generation is too busy holding mirrors in front of our faces when we look at others and focusing in on ourselves and all that we want, need, desire to actually look at others with sensitivity and compassion.

i don't know
maybe it's because i'm in college
and everyone around me has a very 
"me-focused" mentality

but this seems to be an even more and more pressing issue lately.

i was talking to a friend recently about words and about how we treat people and a thought came to me.

when we speak.
we put words together in a way that best fits what we want to say, what we want to convey, and what we want to be known.
many times
this happens with no thought of 
"how are these words going to be heard?"
"how are these words going to be translated?"
and no regard to the audience we are speaking to.

we just speak.
because words should be flippant and not thought out.

JUST KIDDING DONT BELIEVE THAT PLEASE.

i worked at chickfila in high school.
one thing our boss told us the first day
is that you should always be aware that you are completely unaware
of what the person you are serving is going through.
and that because of this
there should always be a sensitivity in the way you speak and treat every customer.

this is something i have carried with me ever since then.
it stood out.

i don't know everyone's current battles.
i don't know if that smile actually means you are happy.
i don't know how close you are to breaking.

it is time that we stop looking at ourselves when we talk to others.
it is time that we stop thinking of ourselves when we serve others.

there's a sign hanging in my home that i see every day.

cultivate kindess.

so let's look at those two words for a second.

cultivate:
to devote oneself to
to promote the growth or development of.

kindess:
the state of being kind.

okay so.

cultivate kindess.
devote yourself to being kind.
promote kindess.
foster a sense of kindness.

in simple terms...
BE NICE TO PEOPLE.
CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE BEING NICE IS EASY.

this requires us to think of others.
this requires us to be sensitive.
this requires us to not say, share, post, comment, text 
every thought that pops into our heads.

to sum it all up.
this requires self control.

so be aware.
be aware that there are struggling people.

be aware that your smile may be the first smile that person has seen all day.

be aware that words cut down and you can use yours to build back up.

be aware that depressed people don't always have tears on their cheeks and frowns on their faces.

be aware that the way you treat a person can send them over the edge or pull them out of harm's way.

now go hug your neighbor and give everyone you see today a high five.

cultivate kindess, friends.

something called trust.

i need to trust.

i am skipping the whole introduction part that is supposed to come at the start of a blog post.

or maybe my intro is just more forward.

who knows.

but anyway.

i need to trust.

i need to get over myself.
my desires.
my opinions.

and i need to trust.

i love taking walks.

(i swear im not just stating random facts about myself. this will all tie in in a bit. stick with me)

there is a clarity that comes when i am walking.

there is a special clarity that comes when i walk on campus.

for those who don't know,
i grew up coming to sbu with my dad for a week while he helped lead worship at a little thing called thee camp.

this campus was my playground for multiple summers.

because of this, i have many memories tied to certain parts of sbu.

this is when the clarity comes in.

tonight i walked. 
i walked along the sidewalks that i walked when i was younger.
i passed the buildings i used to sprint through.
i saw the things that my younger eyes used to see.

and it came to me.

i need to trust.

once upon a time

when i was a child

walking the same sidewalks i walked tonight

i didn't know what it looked like to not trust.

i didn't know what fear for the future felt like.

i didn't know how it felt to be unsure of myself.

and it was freeing.

i walked those sidewalks without a care in the world.

i knew God was good and i knew He had me.

because of my relationship with the Father, this same kind of carefree trust is available and attainable still.

if only it was as easy to believe that as it is to type that sentence.

instead of saying "Lord, You've got this. it's Yours."
my mind goes a little like this 

"here You go...
...wait...
i mean You've got this...
but can i just hold this corner?
are You sure that's right?
but what's next?"

i hold on with all of my might.

why?

because there is a trust issue.

and that is linked to my heart.

so let's talk about that.

if i could write a letter to my heart it would go a little something like this:

"hello heart,
i am writing to you because i need you to listen up. you are stubborn. you feel all these feelings without syncing up with mind about what those feelings may actually mean. that's not very nice of you.
heart--why do you not tune into the Lord more? why do you turn to everyone else before you turn to Him?

we need to work on that."


ok so clearly im in an odd mood tonight because i am writing to my heart.

where are you going with this, east?

i don't really know.

i think i just wanted it to be known.

that i struggle with trusting the Lord.
i struggle with trusting His timing.
i struggle with trusting His promise.

and it's not because He has failed me.
because not once has He ever failed me.
not once.

He is faithful.

so until i trust fully i will preach that to myself.

He is faithful.
He is stable.
He is truth.
He is fighting for me.
He is looking out for me.
He is planning for me.
He holds me.
He knows me.
He loves me.

so trust.
trust i must.
and trust i will.

even when it's not well.

well. i am here.

junior year.

and i should be asleep. 
(sorry mom)
(but when i gotta write, i gotta write)

so.

hello there.

let's catch up.

y'all. this summer. oh man this summer.

let me summarize it:

WHIRL.WIND.

i've written about some of that chaos already this summer.
but in the last week and a half a thousand things have been spun a million different directions at a billion miles per hour.

you see.

i had a plan.

because, come on.

i was convinced that i was in control of my life.
(for real. easton. come on. why haven't you learned by now?)

but i found out.

in the most heartbreaking of ways.

that i am not.

on saturday, august 15 i lost my grandmother.

and life.
and my plans.
dropped out beneath me.

i had it all planned out. 
family birthday party on sunday the 16th.
leave for school the 17th.
spend a week setting up my house,
catching up with my bolivar family,
enjoy a week of freedom.

i would ease into the semester.

but instead.

sunday was spent shopping for funeral clothes.
monday was spent getting on a plane to texas.
tuesday was spent celebrating the marvelous life of one of the greatest women i know.
wednesday was spent on a plane back to kc and then cram-packing.

but listen to me.

that's ok.

was it ok in the moment?
absolutely not.

because my flesh got in the way.

i was mad.
i was heartbroken.
i was selfish.

but i got knocked down from my high horse.

i was taught once again just how little control i have over this life i have been given.

but that's ok.

because He has all the control and He is more than capable.

on tuesday the 18th i was asked to lead a song at the funeral.

it is well.

and another lesson was learned.

as i stood on the stage.
semi-ready to sing the words.

it was not well.

losing my grandmother was not well.
my dad losing his biggest cheerleader was not well.
not being able to say goodbye was not well.

but as i sang the song.
a peace overcame me.

because it is well.

my grandmother knew Jesus well.
she proclaimed Him loudly.
and she went Home to Him.

oh that is very well.

that hymn has become the cry of my heart and the prayer for my semester.

even in the darkest of moments.
it is well.
even in the saddest times.
it is well.
in anger.
it is well.
in confusion.
it is well.
in bitterness.
it is well.

it is well
it is well
with my soul.

and so things changed,

and i arrived here on thursday.

and the Lord has blasted me with grace and an outpour of love.

He gave me rest and solitude.

i have made new friends.
i have caught up with old friends.
i have put my home together.

which leads me to the next thing on my heart.

if you have followed my blog
or know me at all
you know that i have spent the last 2 years trying to figure out this little word called "home"
for real.

it's tough.

but im learning.

and now i am making my own home.

in a house.

off campus.

and it is the happiest thing in the world.

seriously it makes me happy even thinking about it.

i am living with two girls who are wonderful and who have been constant throughout my college career.

we have created a home that promotes fellowship and getting to know people.

and it is the best.

so here's my little plug.

if you go to sbu.

come by.
anytime.
any day.

we would love to have you.

i have 39 mugs.
around 30 mason jars.
tea.
coffee.
(currently 1.5 cupcakes)
and so much love.

we would love to have you in our home.
we would love to get to know you.
we would love to get to love on you.

i believe the Lord gives to us so we can give to others.

so come on over.




the Lord is bringing healing.
He is bringing clarity.
He is bringing peace.
He has brought joy.

and so for now.

i give thanks.

and i pray that in my next trial

i give thanks.

because in the end.

His plan is pretty completely perfect
and i have an abundance to be thankful for.

and for real i could say so much more about just even the last 3 days but this post already has been all over the place.

so.
quick rundown:
new friends.
fresh flowers.
handwritten letters.
the greatest birthday of my entire life.
OH MY GOODNESS SERIOUSLY ^^^.
talks about Jesus.
talks with Jesus
so many board games.
81 books in my room.
excitement for the upcoming semester.
pumped for the well.
thankfulness for my intern family.
time spent with my becker babes.
laurel and dave.
coffee.
cookies.
surprises.

so much good y'all.

i will try to put those words together sometime soon.

but for now.

im going to sleep.

i think.

maybe.

we will see.

time.

time is a funny thing.

and by funny i mean
it is a cruel thing.
it is a hard thing.
it is a sweet thing.
it is a confusing thing.
it is a necessary thing.

time is really everything.
the timing of our words
of our actions
of our decisions.
timing matters.

and time matters.

ecclesiastes holds one of my favorite passages.

//for everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace//

there is a time.
for all things.

this is something that God has constantly 
been speaking into my heart lately.

a few weeks ago
i found myself completely broken down
feeling so utterly lost
and so utterly confused
and i cried out.

and He answered.
and peace entered my soul.
and i realized that this...

...is my time to weep
...is my time to lose
...is my time to heal.

and that is okay.

there is purpose in those times.
there is beauty in those times.

though so often i cannot see the purpose
(nor the beauty)
it is there.

now.

that is really
really
really
really
hard to accept.

it's hard to accept that this isn't a time to laugh
or a time to dance
or a time to seek.

but i am here.
and there is purpose.

i was talking to a friend recently
and she brought up the valley.

she told me something that i have heard before,
but that i so desperately needed to hear again.

she told me to not rush out.
but also
she told me not to camp there.

what this means is i do not need to dwell
nor do i need to jump to the other side.

neither of these things bring true healing.

and so.

i will seek the Lord.

i will sit in silence.

i will seek the Lord.

i will read the Word.

i will seek the Lord.

the other thing about time
is that time brings people into our lives 
just as well as it takes them away.

in this rough season 
God has placed so many beautiful people around me.

i have met new people
i have made new friends
i have grown closer with the ones i already had in my life.

and to those people

thank you.

for every cup of coffee
for every text in the middle of the night
for every handwritten letter
for every second spent listening to me
for every second spent speaking truth 

and quite simply
for every hug.

the Lord places people around us.
He cares.
and He uses His people to show it
and to remind us.

He doesn't have to.
He didn't have to for me.

but He did.

and therefore.

i will wait.
i will be patient.
i will walk through this.

and time will do its thing.

a

do not lose heart.

i've learned something about being an adult.




you think you have everything figured out.




and then you turn a corner and


N-O-P-E.




there are so many emotions that go into being a grown up




you have to put your heart out there a lot.




and sometimes...

just sometimes...




you get hurt in the process.




i am walking through one of those face-to-wall, door in face, NOPE moments




and it hurts.




oh honey how it hurts.




and so once again i have to open myself up to not knowing what is ahead.

and once again 

i have to find peace in knowing that the unknown is known by the One 

who knows all.




and that needs to be enough.




*insert here "saying this is much easier than doing this"*




i have to give it all to Him

i have to rest in the peace He gives

i have to completely rely on His wisdom and grace.




i also have to keep this pain from turning into resentment.




i have to know that there is a purpose and a plan in all things.




all things.




ALL THINGS.




i have to keep preaching that to myself.

i must keep preaching that to myself.




john piper says:




therefore, do not lose heart. but take these truths and day by day focus on them. preach them to yourself every morning. get alone with God and preach His Word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for




those words hold so much truth.

hold so much wisdom.

hold so much just straight goodness.




do not lose heart.

preach His word into your mind.

you are new and cared for.

preach HIS WORD into your mind.

not the word of the enemy.

not the word that comes from insecurity.

His Word.




i must.

and so i will.

and when i fail.

i will read it.

and i will speak it.

and i will drench myself in it.




because there is a plan and a purpose in every moment.

in every twist and turn in life.

when we think we have it all figured out

and when we see that we are so far from that.

when we are on solid ground

and when the earth falls from beneath us.


there is meaning in all things.




amen

amen 

amen.