hello there.
it has been awhile.
i am entering into the middle/middlish/endishbutnotreally part of summer break.
i am currently sitting and listening to waves crash upon the shore and breathing in the salty nighttime air of florida.
this summer can thus far be summed up into one word:
adjustment.
adjusting to not being at school.
adjusting to getting used to living in my house again.
adjusting to a new job.
adjusting to dealing with my old one.
adjusting to life.
it's a funny thing, life.
it seems that you reach an age where consistency is a thing of the past.
a mythical creature that lives only in your childhood and days passed.
life now is changing.
every year.
every month.
every week.
every day.
every hour.
which rocks.
sometimes.
and rocks less.
most times.
this is where the problem comes in.
this is where one must embrace adjustment.
and this is where i struggle at doing so.
i am a stubborn one.
ask my mom.
ask my dad.
ask my brothers.
ask my old babysitters.
if you look up stubborn in the webster dictionary you will find, in bold print: EASTON REBEKAH ROYE.
now, please understand, this is not something i say with pride.
it is not something that i enjoy admitting to anyone, let alone myself.
it is something inside of me that seems to have been with me for my whole life.
and it is ugly.
this stubbornness leads to me only hurting myself.
it leads to me not listening when i should have listened.
it leads to me not obeying when i should have obeyed.
it leads to me not yielding when i sure as heck should have yielded.
it leads to a dead end.
every.
single.
time.
you would think that at a younger age i would think
"hey, this whole stubbornness thing isn't quite working out for me"
but nah.
it was more like me at a younger age thinking
"heh i have life figured out and i can do it on my own"
wrong.
so wrong.
so so wrong.
if anything, i am learning that i can in fact not do it on my own.
nor would i like to.
this is where it gets sticky.
you see, i know and recognize that i do not have life figured out.
i know and recognize that doing things on my own rarely works out.
i know and recognize that i have people placed in my life with actual wisdom and guidance who are there to help me.
but.
i resist it.
i want to prove myself.
i want to try things on my own.
i want to go by what i know and think.
i was at church camp a few weeks ago and mr. ted burden said something that went into my ears and sunk down into my soul:
"knowledge is proud that it knows so much,
wisdom is humbled that it knows so little"
yes.
yes yes yes.
a thousand times yes.
needless to say, i spent the rest of the sermon with my ears perked up and my pen to my paper writing furiously.
and i ended the sermon in a puddle of tears.
it's a funny thing when you know you know the truth, but it takes the right setting, the right moment, and the right person saying it to truly hit you the way you need it to hit you.
and it hit me.
hard.
you see, i realized that i am not humbled when i know little.
i am frustrated.
i want to know.
i want to be right.
and that is not a characteristic of wisdom.
because i am not wise.
i have little knowledge.
and scarce wisdom.
and, contrary to popular belief, this is alright.
i am not supposed to be full of wisdom.
i am nineteen years old.
i have years to live.
i have many things to go through.
i have much to endure.
and i have stubbornness to get over and break through.
the kind of stubbornness that makes adjustment a wee bit hard to do.
the kind of stubbornness that makes adjustment nearly impossible.
it's hard adjusting to life away from college when you thought you learned so much from nine months away at school.
it's hard adjusting to life away from college when you realize you actually didn't learn as much as you thought you had.
it's hard adjusting to life away from college when you realize that you have only just started learning what life really is.
so for now, i am taking everything step by step.
i am adjusting
and readjusting
and readjusting.
that's what it takes.
it takes me seeing each day and knowing that i don't have all of the answers i am going to need that day.
it takes me seeing each day and knowing that the way i treat people matters and is so important.
it takes me seeing each day and knowing that i am going to make mistakes and that's okay but i also need to take responsibility for those mistakes.
college is hard.
life away from college is almost harder.
but like i said.
this is only the start of my no consistency adult life.
so here we go.
