time.

time is a funny thing.

and by funny i mean
it is a cruel thing.
it is a hard thing.
it is a sweet thing.
it is a confusing thing.
it is a necessary thing.

time is really everything.
the timing of our words
of our actions
of our decisions.
timing matters.

and time matters.

ecclesiastes holds one of my favorite passages.

//for everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace//

there is a time.
for all things.

this is something that God has constantly 
been speaking into my heart lately.

a few weeks ago
i found myself completely broken down
feeling so utterly lost
and so utterly confused
and i cried out.

and He answered.
and peace entered my soul.
and i realized that this...

...is my time to weep
...is my time to lose
...is my time to heal.

and that is okay.

there is purpose in those times.
there is beauty in those times.

though so often i cannot see the purpose
(nor the beauty)
it is there.

now.

that is really
really
really
really
hard to accept.

it's hard to accept that this isn't a time to laugh
or a time to dance
or a time to seek.

but i am here.
and there is purpose.

i was talking to a friend recently
and she brought up the valley.

she told me something that i have heard before,
but that i so desperately needed to hear again.

she told me to not rush out.
but also
she told me not to camp there.

what this means is i do not need to dwell
nor do i need to jump to the other side.

neither of these things bring true healing.

and so.

i will seek the Lord.

i will sit in silence.

i will seek the Lord.

i will read the Word.

i will seek the Lord.

the other thing about time
is that time brings people into our lives 
just as well as it takes them away.

in this rough season 
God has placed so many beautiful people around me.

i have met new people
i have made new friends
i have grown closer with the ones i already had in my life.

and to those people

thank you.

for every cup of coffee
for every text in the middle of the night
for every handwritten letter
for every second spent listening to me
for every second spent speaking truth 

and quite simply
for every hug.

the Lord places people around us.
He cares.
and He uses His people to show it
and to remind us.

He doesn't have to.
He didn't have to for me.

but He did.

and therefore.

i will wait.
i will be patient.
i will walk through this.

and time will do its thing.

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