johnson county

four years ago, i discovered a new part of myself.

let me take you back.

four years ago i experienced my first weekend retreat with Lenexa Baptist Church.

let me tell ya, that weekend changed me.

it was a weekend in a home i knew, surrounded by 16 girls i had never met in my entire life.

those of you who know me know that i am extremely social and am the furthest thing from shy.

little do you know, that has not always been the case.

yes, i have always been loud and talkative and hyper.
but when i was around people i did not know, i stayed silent and to myself and calm.

so when the opportunity came up for me to spend two nights in the home of Sue Osborne as her daughter Mandy and a sweet friend Michelle led a group of sophomore girls, i was stuck.

i wanted so bad to go.

but i was scared.

scared that i would get homesick.

scared that i would not fit in.

scared that i would not be accepted.

after a few long talks with my mom and a phone call to Mandy, I quickly decided that i would be missing out on something if i chose to stay in the safety of my home that weekend.

there was something calling me to participate in that weekend.

something telling me that it would be worth it.

something shouting at me to stop being a wuss and go for it.

the first night, I was so nervous that i was physically shaking. 

seriously-it was a bit ridiculous.

i sat in the circle of girls that all appeared to know each other and kept my eyes down at my feet as a played with the fray at the end of my jeans.

i was a stranger.

that was a new concept to me.

never before had i been the unknown person at a church event.

i was a pastor's kid.
i was loud.
i was involved.

there wasn't a time when i was the girl that nobody knew, but for this weekend, i was that girl. The role i had been given was one i had no preparation for.

should i stay quiet?
should i try to mingle?    (do people still say mingle?...)
should i go sit by myself on the couch?

so much anxiety filled my chest as Mandy and Michelle started in on the "get to know you" portion of the evening.

i do not remember much about the little get to know you game we played, but i do remember my anxiety and fear melting away.

soon i was introducing myself to the group and telling them how i got connected with people in Lenexa, Kansas when i lived almost an hour away.

and soon i was making new friends.

now. i'm going to do something a little brave.
i'm going to share pictures of freshman year of high school Easton.
beware.

let me just say, praise Him for maturation and hair growth.

and also, there is a great story behind the tongue/eye picture.

but i will leave it untold for now.

as you can hopefully see from these pictures, i became comfortable and close with many of these girls quite quickly.

and i learned a lot about myself in just two and a half very short days.

this weekend was the start of a new spring of growth and the beginning of some precious, dear friendships.

the reason i am sharing this weekend and these (horrible, embarrassing) pictures with you is to share with you the power of getting out of your comfort zone.

so many times, we refuse to do something out of the box because we are too caught up in our own comfort and our own insecurities.

it's uncomfortable to be the odd man out.

it's uncomfortable when nobody knows who you are.

it's uncomfortable to be in unfamiliar territory.

but it is necessary.

so so so necessary.

the easiest option is always going to be to stay at the level that we are most comfortable in.

hang around the people who know us best.

go to the places that we are familiar with.

do the things that we have done before.

but being in that place does not bring growth.

being in that place produces nothing NEW.

being in that place will keep you from some brilliant experiences.

if i had done the comfortable thing that weekend i would have stayed home.

i would have missed out on friendships that i still have today.

i would have missed out on friendships that sprung from those original friendships.

i would have missed out on the growth that has made me who i am today.

i would even go so far to say that if i had stayed home and not participated in that weekend, i would have had an even more difficult time getting myself to go away for college.

those simple few days produced a strong and powerful change in me and my heart.

they showed me that God has so much more for us that exists outside of the confines of what we feel is safe and comfortable. 

all it takes is that first step.

stepping towards the unknown.
stepping towards the awkward first interactions.
stepping towards the unfamiliar.

my first step put me on a path to some of my most treasured friendships and greatest memories.

and i am more thankful for that than any words could ever express.

there is so much more i could write.

so many more pictures i could post.

tons of people i could talk about.

so.

to all of you girls who made me feel so welcome.

thank you.

to all of the leaders i have had at countless Lenexa retreats.

thank you.

to brian and sharla for building such strong and impressive students who bless me with who you have encouraged them to be.

THANK YOU.

to kaitlin and lauren chance for being some of my first friends there.

thank you.

to mandy, sue, and michelle for making me feel comfortable.

thank you.

to sue AGAIN for loving so deeply and so purely. you bring me joy.

thank you.

to anna and natalie.

thank you.

to weston noyes for always being a pain in the butt.

thank you.

to the lenexa seniors who were in squad p with me.

thank you.

to some of the coolest juniors around: sadie nathan jordan jarrett.

thank you.

to the lenexa youth group and leaders as a whole.

thank you.

thank you for accepting me.

thank you for challenging me.

thank you for laughing with me.

thank you for laughing at me.

thank you for loving me.

thank you for being ridiculous with me.

thank you for not judging me.

thank you for including me.

thank you for making me feel welcomed and special in good ole Johnson County.

you all will never know what you have done for me.

and for that, i thank Him most of all.

thank You Lord for not letting my spirit rest until i listened to You urge me to go to that first Lenexa Dnow.

thank You for dropping some of the loveliest of people in my life.

thank You for showing me a world outside of my comfort zone.

thank You for providing.

i am blessed.

and i am thankful.