arising from complacency.

life is full of surprises.

that's probably the biggest thing 2014 taught me.

it's so easy to become comfortable.
to go along with the flow of how we think life should go.

we become content in our stillness.
neither moving forward towards something
nor backwards away from something.

we stand there.

content in our misery.
content in our sin.
content in our sadness.
           our anger.
           our bitterness.

why?

because we forget what it actually means to be content.

we have traded in contentment for complacency.

we have lost sight that we are to be content where He has us.

we are to be content in where He leads us.
             content in where He places us.
             content in where He calls us.

don't hear what i'm not saying.

we are supposed to accept the challenges we face and the things we battle.

but we are to do this with the understanding that we will overcome these hurdles.

and to overcome, we must move.
and to move, we must not find contentment in lesser things.
and to not find contentment in lesser things, we must look to Him.

it's a cycle.

it's a cycle i found myself struggling to jump into this year.

instead, i sat.

i walked into my misery.
i grabbed a seat.
i stubbornly stayed there.

it took quite a while to get up from that chair.
it took even longer to fold up the chair and move.

i am a stubborn woman.
ask my mom.
oh man, ask my mom.

God is in the process of breaking me of this stubbornness.
it's not an easy task.
and it's painful.

but He wants what's best for me.

that's something else i've learned.
He loves me.

like He really really LOVES me.
i've known about God for 20 years.
i've been saved for 13 years.
i've lived only for Him for 4 years.

but it has only been in the past 4 months that i have started to truly understand
fully grasp
and
actually realize

He loves me.

i've been falling deeper in love with Jesus.
do you know how great He is?
do you know that He speaks to God on our behalf?
do you know that He understands all that you endure?

do you really really know?

because i thought i knew.

but this semester i really knew.

those surprises?
they're being used to piece together my story.
they're being used to break apart my selfish heart.
they're being used to shape me for the Kingdom.

so i am thankful.

when things fall apart.
there's a purpose.

when things explode.
there's a purpose.

when things come out of nowhere.
there's a purpose.

there's His purpose.

so let us not be content in the aftermath of those happenings.
let us push on and discover what God has hiding in the debris.
let us diligently work to get out of the mess.
let us run into His arms and seek Him out.

that's what He is calling us to.
not contentment in the low places.
but a boost towards something so much better.